The holidays are a time to come together with those we love and bask in the glory of one another’s company. This is all fine and dandy, but oftentimes being in the same room with that many people who share the same DNA as you can be a recipe for chaos. Here is our survival guide to help you navigate the upcoming gatherings.
1. Do not get belligerent and debate politics with Uncle Rob.
We all have that family member who is just a little bit behind on the times. They may still spit racist vitriol, or they may consider cannabis to be the devil’s lettuce. While we normally do champion defending our plant everywhere, screaming at your family to “get with it” after downing a bottle of vino may prove awkward for everybody. The whole room will be sucked of holiday joy, lines will be crossed, sides will be taken and somewhere an Angel will lose its wings.
2. If you’re going to bring edibles, keep that ish under lock and key.
I remember being a child and going on hunts with my cousins to find the best holiday treats. The fudge, the cookies, the chocolate nut-clusters – all divine. The edibles showing up on the shelves these past few years are divine as well, and in many, the taste of cannabis is undetectable. Don’t risk your little cousin Stevie getting his hands on your infused chocolate macadamia nuts, and make sure they are well-hidden and inaccessible to children. Nobody wants to see little cousin Stevie baked out of his mind, and nobody wants you to go to jail. Responsible cannabis consumption means keeping little hands far from reach of your edible stash.
3. Hit your vape pen out of sight, then offer to help with dishes.
Not only will you earn brownie points with your family for being such a helpful lad or lassie, but this is a good opportunity to escape the dinner table, get a tad high, and play around with soap bubbles. Plus, the sooner the dinner dishes are out of the way, the sooner you get to dig into dessert.
4. Get your elderly fam some CBD topicals and become the favorite.
This has worked for me every year since I became involved in the cannabis industry, and I’m positive it can work for you, too. Give the gift of non-psychoactive topicals to those who need it most, and you will receive calls for the next month telling you how it has worked wonders on their stiff neck or sore calves. Cannabis heals, and now you can help heal your family.
5. Have a funny retort prepared for fam who question your life decisions.
“Oh, I see you’re still single?” “Interesting move quitting your job at Amazon to be a budtender…how adventurous.” “You have three cats but no children, are you ever going to make me a grandmother?”
Yeah, family can be pretty brutal and notorious for putting their two-cents where it need not belong. Luckily, you are confident in your life decisions, and are prepared to respond to inquiries about your singledom with, “Yeah, still waiting for 2Pac to be resurrected and make me a lucky lady.” Sure, you may not shut them down completely, but you might confuse them. In this scenario, confusion is your ally.
6. Form alliances with cousins/siblings to get out of never-ending conversations.
You know the conversations I’m talking about. The ones that don’t require you to do anything but stare blankly ahead and feign interest in something not even remotely interesting. Before the night begins, grab a cousin or sibling and arrange a mutual rescuing from Aunt Jeannine’s rant about the PTA not allowing her peanut butter cookies in the bake sale.
7. Be grateful that you have family to spend the holidays with.
Now this is the most important of all the tips we’ve offered. While we may poke fun at having to spend the holidays with family, there are many people who do not have the opportunity to. People in the service, children who have been detained at the US border, people whose family has passed on, or people who can’t afford to travel, the list goes on. Family is a mixed bag, but it is beneficial that we find the beauty in everyone together in the same room, and practice gratitude for those we are able to share quality time with.