Hump Day High: Play Party With Monique

Play Party With Monique

Let’s talk about the “sexual” side of CannaSexual. I recently had a fantastic experience co-facilitating a play party with my friend and mentor, Monique Darling. At the play party, I gave an impromptu live-demo handjob lesson to a group of about 20 adults, then had penetrative sex with my demo model (my lover, B), then gave a handjob to another attendee’s boyfriend while B cuddled someone else and intermittently watched, and finally he and I boned again right before the closing circle. By the time the party was over, I was fully blissed out on the sexual energy of the room. Bonus: co-facilitating means I got paid for this event. To be clear though, I was paid to co-facilitate the event, not to perform sex acts. It would have been equally okay for me to not play with anyone all night. I just happen to be an exhibitionist, and luckily for me, so is B.

You’ll read about B quite a bit here, as we have lots of adventures together. We actually met at one of Monique’s play parties last summer and discovered we had absurd amounts of sexual chemistry. Playing at a play party doesn’t require any ongoing contact or obligations beyond the party, but sometimes relationships develop, as mine and B’s did.

In case your first question was, “WTF is a play party?” let me explain—a play party is an event where adults gather for a set amount of time (4–6 hours for the event Monique and I put on), and have the opportunity to request and engage in a variety of sexual or sensual activities in a group setting. The way Monique taught me to facilitate play parties was to start with a welcome circle in which the facilitators review the rules (for example, “No one has to play at a play party, ever,” and, “Ask and get a verbal yes before touching,” and agreements about confidentiality, the role of the facilitators, and about six or seven more rules.) At my parties, the facilitators are permitted to entertain requests to play (read: engage in sexual activity), but with the caveat that they’re still acting as the lifeguards on duty to maintain the integrity of the space—a facilitator can be interrupted at any time if a play party attendee needs them. No matter how deliciously occupied the facilitator might be at the moment, they agree to be available to stop and be present for any attendee if they’re needed, so anyone who plays with a facilitator at a play party consents to play that could be interrupted.

Are we sensing a pattern here? Consent is the name of the game and play parties are basically an adult skills lab where you can practice asking for what you want and receiving no gracefully. Another rule is, “If you’re a yes, say yes, if you’re a no, say no, and if you’re a maybe, say no.” You’re encouraged to tune into your body to decide if an offer is something you want to engage in and you’re encouraged to change your mind if something is no longer a “yes” for you. Weird concept right? You don’t have to do anything for one second longer than you want to. You get to create your ideal sexual experience in the moment, which may be different than what you wanted an hour ago or will want tomorrow.

Have you ever been to a play party? What was it like for you? Would you ever go to a play party? Comment below!

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